The Day I Shat Myself: How to Use Terror as an Ally to Grow

Two years ago I was sitting in the living room, staring at my laptop.

It was one of those torrid days around mid-July, when your arms are so sweaty they stick to the table.

I had just completed my Master studies and I was finally sending applications to enter the job market, also known as The Real World.

And as I am sitting there, I shat myself.

Not for the lack of jobs.

Not for the annoying application processes.

Not for the miserable working conditions offered.

I shat myself because I had no freaking idea about what I wanted to do.

Zero. Nada.

“Holy shit — I realized with my eyes wide open- I need to figure this out.”

I felt the terror of being responsible for my future.

I felt the terror of wasting more time doing things I didn’t care about.

I felt the terror of living a mediocre, random life.

So after falling into despair, I started to think and act to build a path.

It felt like beginning to walk after sitting for 25 years: excruciating.

But I slowly got my ass moving and — fast forward two years — I have got some direction.

I still don’t know exactly where I’m going. But I’m going.

It might take another two years, five years, ten years. But I’ll build a proper life for myself.

Why do I share this?

Because I know that many of you, my friends, are in the same situation.

You know you should do something about it, and yet you don’t act accordingly.

Why? You are not scared enough — I would say.

But mainly because it’s painful.

To find our own path from scratch takes a lot of courage: we need to challenge ourselves, create stuff, fail at something, adjust, read books, improve, question ourselves, find mentors, disappoint our parents, lose some friends, change habits, take risks, invest money and what-not.

It’s not a sexy process. It’s hard work.

And we don’t want to pay the price of hard work, do we? But we fail to understand that we are still paying a price: the price of regret. Which is way higher.

If you are one of those friends, my intention with this post is one and one only: to scare the shit out of you, so that you get your ass moving.

I wish you a terrible evening, and a wonderful rest of your life. ❤